Sometimes, when I sit on my bed, I wonder if the things I did were the right things.
I wonder if leaving you was the right thing, if ending our whole friendship was the right thing.
I feel like it was. You weren’t healthy for me and I wasn’t for you. We were just each others company. Going to each other for comfort. We weren’t even together.
We would’ve never seen each other that way, anyways. Well, maybe you wouldn’t.
But sometimes, I feel like losing you, was the worst thing I did.
We promised each other that we’d never stop talking. That was a complete lie.
I mean, I don’t regret meeting you. I just regret falling for you. Letting myself get caught in everything that was you. Constantly having that hope you would somehow feel something back. I got caught up in it all. As Kai came around, joining our little group of friends, it seemed like you got closer to him. It took him less than a week to become what you and I were, when what we were, took me more than a year to build.
I’ll admit it. I was jealous. I absolutely hated him. I never wanted him to be apart of our little circle. I just wanted the way it always was. I know thats selfish. But I noticed his feelings. You responded to them. Even when you knew my feelings for you.
I remember how you texted me. Asking me whats wrong. I told you it was nothing. It was never nothing. It was everything.
When you knew I was unhappy, you would always say, “Kai and I are worried.”
You always brought him up. It was always him wasn’t it.
You liked him right. Why wasn’t I him?
I thought you didn’t like guys. I thought for a whole year, that you were straight.
It was only Kai though. You only seemed to like him. Like he was perfect. But at the same time he wasn’t. You didnt see it. But I did.